


Not all that glitters is gold

by Bill_Longbow



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Magic, Crabby Bruce, Crack, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Horse Tony, M/M, Talking Animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 06:11:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13734813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bill_Longbow/pseuds/Bill_Longbow
Summary: "Aren't you a huntsman? Shouldn't we be hunting things?" Tony had hoped his role as huntsman's horse would've been more galloping after dangerous critters, maybe even catch a griffin or two, not this gallivanting across the country in search for royalty and their party clothes.Or where Tony is about done with this questing, but things work out fine in the end.





	Not all that glitters is gold

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the fairy tale The firebird and princess Vasilisa. 
> 
> Thanks to Rebelmeg for betaing and helping me with the title. 
> 
> Comments are always welcome!

They had just left the city behind and were currently trudging over a muddy path on the bank of the river. They were the only ones in sight, the majority of the population was within the city walls, getting drunk. Tony didn't want to join the revellers at all, but he didn't want to trudge through the mud in the dark either, he hated getting his hooves dirty.  
"Steve, this getting ridiculous, what does that pompous toad want now?"  
  
"Well, you know now that he got this beautiful firebird and a beautiful prince he wants to get married. But you see, the prince refuses to marry without his wedding gown.  
  
Tony the horse snorted, "I bet."  
  
"Unfortunately the thing seems to be lying on the bottom of the sea?"  
  
"As wedding gowns are wont to do," the horse supplied, nodding sagely, earning him a pat on the head.  
  
"Yeah, well, this one does. So now, my trusty steed, we're on a quest to get the prince his gown," Steve declared in a herald's voice.  
  
"Aren't you a huntsman? Shouldn't we be hunting things?" Tony had hoped his role as huntsman's horse would've been more galloping after dangerous critters, maybe even catch a griffin or two, not this gallivanting across the country in search for royalty and their party clothes.  
  
The catching of the firebird had been fun, but he had liked the creature, and if he was honest he was sorry she had to spend her time in the castle with king Jackass and his whiny prince. Ugh, don't get him started on the prince. He knew Justin Vasilisa of course, so the plan to catch him was to set up the most gaudy gold roofed tent they could find and lay down a bottle of cheap champagne and some shiny baubles. Tony's only regret there was that they didn't lace the champagne with a sleeping powder, stupid Steve and his stupid morals. Of course Justin had been attracted to all the shiny stuff and had proceeded to get blackout drunk on the champagne, which was when Steve had loaded him onto Tony's back.  
  
Good plan right? No. The ride back to the castle was over two days, Tony could only carry two full grown men for a limited amount of time, and as soon as Justin had opened his eyes he had started talking in that nasal voice of his. Bragging about his connections, complaining about discomfort, whining. Every. Step. Of. The. Way. The worst thing was Tony couldn't tell him to shut up, because he was a horse. He and Steve had this nice thing going where Steve pretended he was gullible enough to believe talking horses existed, and Tony pretended he believed Steve was that gullible. It was perfect, and they both pretended it was utter coincidence they had met on their way to king Pierce's court. They probably should have a Talk soon, but for now they had enormous fun and the Talk would probably mean the end of that. Tony wasn't ready to say goodbye yet, and neither was Steve it seemed.  
  
"Steve?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Why are we doing this at night? The beach is only half an hour away." It was chilly, it was dark, it was muddy, it was no fun at all.  
  
"The gown is said to be only visible under starlight," Steve replied, sounding unperturbed, as if searching in the dark for clothing articles that happened to be under water was just another thing.  
  
Tony sighed, which sounded like whinnying, horses really weren't cut out for showing all the different states of annoyance. "I hope you know I won't go into the sea. Salt is a pain to get out of my coat." Not to mention he looked ridiculous with dried salt crusts on his shiny black body. He was quite proud of his equestrian physique, Yinsen had mercifully seen fit to change him into a stallion. Things would have been a lot more unpleasant if he had been, say, a pony.  
  
"No worries, I'll dive, you can be the lookout."  
  
Now this sounded like a good plan. Tony spent the rest of the journey alternately hoping for and envisioning Steve in his undies, emerging from the sea, dripping with water.  
  
  
  
When they got there, the beach was deserted, which meant he could keep on chatting, a clear advantage of doing this at night. The moon was a tiny crescent, but reflected in the waves it was just enough to see by.  
  
"Big ocean, Steve, I hope you have some sort of a plan?"  
  
He couldn't see him, on his back, but Tony just knew Steve was awkwardly rubbing his neck right now, dumb grin on his face. After the cunning way they had caught the firebird, some courtiers started to call Steve lovingly 'the man with a plan'. Tony had yet to experience this fabled planmaking of his. 'Man with a magic horse' more like it.  
  
"Well," Steve drew the syllable out and it was all Tony could do to refrain from rolling his eyes. Horses with rolling eyes looked panicked, not aggravated.  
  
"Before you ask, I know nothing of the sea or its inhabitants, I don't _want_ to know about the sea or its inhabitants. Being the smartest land animal on four hooves is enough if you ask me, no need to get those hooves wet." He hated water with a passion and everything that lived in it was suspicious by association.  
  
"Ohh Tony." Steve sounded fond, and right enough, when he dismounted he patted Tony affectionately on his flank.  
  
"Let's walk up and down for a bit, maybe something presents itself."  
  
Tony found Steve's optimism equally annoying and endearing, and he quietly trotted beside him over the beach. It was idyllic, walking in the sand in the moonlight. If he was still human he would totally have made a move on Steve right now. Feeling embarrassed he suddenly had the urge to gallop. That was a thing horses did on beaches right?  
  
"Gonna stretch my legs, see you at that huge boulder over there okay?" Without waiting for a reply he took off.  
  
When he got closer he saw that the boulder was in fact a giant crab, munching on some seaweed. He reared up on his hind legs and was pleased with how the moonlight highlighted his horseshoes.  
  
"Do you see these babies, crustacean? Titanium alloy. Do you know what would happen if I were to jump onto your shell with them?"  
  
"I would get angry, and you won't like me when I'm angry," the crab told him menacingly.  
  
Tony was taken aback! He had spoken to the crab out of habit, not because he thought the thing could understand him.  
  
"You talk!" He pranced a bit in excitement. "Magic animal bros!"  
  
The crab chuckled. "Indeed."  
  
"Look, crab--"  
  
"You can call me Bruce."  
  
"Look, Bruce. I'm Tony by the way. Bruce, were kinda on an important quest here, can't get into the details, but it miiiight have something to do with restoring the kingdom to its rightful heir and fulfilling a prophecy, don't tell anyone I said that."  
  
The crab made a zipper motion with one of his scissors in front of his mouth and Tony winked back at him, a gesture that was ruined by the fact Bruce could only see his one eye, stupid horse head.  
  
"Right now though, we need to find a wedding gown on the ocean's floor. Would you happen to know its whereabouts?"  
  
At that moment Steve caught up with them and poked Tony on his forehead (or his nose? He was unsure where one ended and the other began).  
  
"You don't just go around provoking giant animals, Tony!"  
  
"Steve, relax, me and Brucie here are totally fine." He emphasised his point by prodding Bruce with a front hoof. "Look."  
  
"Tony, leave him alone, what if he snaps and attacks? "  
  
"Don't worry, I'll go fetch you your gown, wait here." Bruce scuttled sideways into the ocean, doing a jaunty wave right before he disappeared below the waves.  
  
"It's another talking animal Steve!" He was so happy he could prance again and Steve smiled at him, petting his hair.  
  
"I noticed," he smiled, "he seems nice."  
  
"Oh he is! I do wonder how he talks though. Do crabs have tongues?"  
  
"I thought you wanted nothing to do with water dwellers?" Steve smirked at him, one eyebrow raised.  
  
"Bruce obviously is the exception, he's bound to be super intelligent," Tony huffed. He wondered if Bruce was cursed as well.  
  
"I'm sure." Steve leaned his weight against Tony and stared out over the ocean.  
  
They waited in companionable silence, and soon the waves began to rock. They took a few steps backwards and another few when dozens of tiny crabs emerged, waving their scissors wildly in greeting. Finally Bruce broke the surface, carefully holding a black suitcase in one of his scissors.  
  
"Got it!" He yelled cheerfully.  
  
Steve waved and laughed and Tony reared in greeting. Best magic animal bro ever.  
  
When Bruce brought the case over Steve quickly dried it off. They had to check if it contained the gown, who knew what people hid in suitcases here. It had a number lock on one of the clasps.  
  
"Try 123, Justin is an airhead, he would've put on the easiest code imaginable," Tony said, dancing in his spot.  
  
Sure enough with 123 the clasp snapped back and Steve opened the case onto a bright red, lace and sequined dress. Tony snorted. "Suits his pasty behind. "  
  
Steve's eyes snapped to him. "I'm not gonna ask how you know what Justin Vasilisa's butt looks like."  
  
"I've got an active imagination, Steven," he said pointedly. He was _not_ going to tell Steve about that one time when they were five.  
  
Bruce rapidly clicked his scissors open and shut, a movement that was repeated by the tiny crabs.  
  
"Time for us to get in the water, the tide is changing. It was a pleasure to meet you guys." Bruce made a bow-like movement on his short legs and Steve and Tony returned the gesture.  
  
"Hey Bruce, wanna hang out some time? To chat, you know?" _Please say yes, please say yes._  
  
"I'd like that! Gentlemen." And with that all the crabs moved back into the sea.  
  
Steve closed the case and jumped in the saddle in one fluent movement. "Let's go home, we've deserved the rest haven't we?"  
  
Tony neighed in reply.  
  
  
  
Tony had just fallen asleep after Steve had wiped him down and covered him in his favourite blanket, when he was rudely awakened by a guard who threw open the gate to his pen.  
  
Another guard shoved Steve in and both guards went to smoke just outside the stable door. Steve sat down on his knees next to Tony and enveloped him in a hug.  
  
"Steve, what's going on," he whispered, his ears twitching in agitation.  
  
"Oh Tony, I've come to say goodbye," Steve sighed in his neck.  
  
"What? Why?" He cried out. Luckily the guards hadn't noticed, laughing loudly at some joke.  
  
Steve sighed again and it sounded so heartbroken Tony had to turn his head a little and lick Steve's hand.  
  
"At daybreak they're going to drop me in boiling water, cause I saw the wedding gown. Said they have to wash off the bad luck." Steve's grip on him tightened and Tony felt an anger course through him like he never felt before. Over his dead body would they do that to Steve.  
  
He nudged Steve away and stood. "You know what? Screw this! I don't want my kingdom back, I don't even want my human body back, if that means you have to be boiled in the process!"  
  
Steve stared at him speechless, Tony guessed it was time for the Talk, but first he had to get Steve to safety.  
  
"Come on, jump on, we're getting the hell out of Dodge."  
  
When Steve continued to stare he nudged him with his nose. "Steven, if you don't get on my back I will bite you and drag you to safety, see if I don't."  
  
That pushed Steve into action, carefully rearranging the blanket on top of Tony's back and swinging himself on top of it.  
  
"Hang on tight, this is gonna be a bumpy ride," he warned right before jumping over the gate of his pen and trotting out of the stables. The guards yelled in surprise and tried to get ahold of him, but he was much too fast. He set off on a course through the city, dodging between drunken party goers and making good speed. The alarm had been sounded in the castle and in the distance he could see the guards scrambling to close the city gate. Tony speeded up, putting all of his considerable power into making it out of the city. Steve tightened his grip on Tony's neck, and just before the gate would graze over Steve's back they made it out. Tony didn't slow down though. There was some confusion on the walls because the guards had recognised the king's huntsman, but it was short lived and soon arrows began to rain down. Tony ran like their lives depended on it, which they did obviously, and only slowed down a little once they reached the tree line of the forest to the east of the city.  
  
There was a cobble road through the forest, so they still could make good time, and Tony crossed the little brook to the side a few times to throw off any dogs they could use in the pursuit. _If_ they were being pursued, because a large contingent of the guards as well as the whole court had been drunk, celebrating the royal engagement. He only slowed down when the sun started to colour the sky ahead of them a bright pink. He stepped off the road and trotted between the trees in search for a good resting spot. He found a copse of eglantine, standing close enough together to hide them from a casual glance. They laid down curled against each other. Steve pulled the blanket over the both of them and soon they were fast asleep.  
  
  
  
Tony awoke to the sensation of a twig sticking in his side, and his hind legs were cold. He yawned and lazily rubbed his eyes.  
  
He sat up with a start and stared at his arms in wonder. His hands, his fingers, they were all there! He touched his face and felt his familiar features, his mouth, nose and eyes were all on the same plane again. Grinning so widely it hurt he peeked under the blanket. Yep, everything back to normal. Only then did he notice Steve, who sat with his back against a birch, looking at him in awe.  
  
Tony felt the ridiculous urge to pull the blanket up to his chin under his gaze, but resisted, doing a little finger wave instead. "Surprise!"  
  
Steve waved back and his smile was so bright it warmed Tony from the inside out. "You're even more handsome than I had imagined," Steve said shyly, plucking at random twigs beside his legs.  
  
"You knew?" He ignored the compliment for now, even if it made him feel like he was sitting on a cloud, instead of bare assed on the forest floor.  
  
"Strongly suspected," Steve said. "You have an awful lot of opinions for just a talking horse."  
  
Tony grinned, he knew Steve couldn't have been that gullible.  
  
"Did we meet by accident?"  
  
Steve did that thing with his face when he was about to bend the truth, so Tony cut him off before he could try.  
  
"We didn't, did we? How did you know where to find me?" He stood up and rolled himself in the blanket before sitting back down again, the scratching of the leaves against his bare skin was much too distracting. It gave Steve a bit of time to gather his thoughts.  
  
"My, ah, my fairy godmother visited me. I er, I might have been lamenting my ill fortune. I was a sickly shrimp and there was no way I could go out adventuring like my buddies. So Pegs showed up, did a bit of zippity doo dah magic and I was like this." He gestured at his immensely well muscled chest, Tony would have a hard time not touching now.  
  
"There was a catch, of course, I couldn't just go out there and have any old adventure. I had to go out and rescue a prince, and for that goal I would need a horse."  
  
He shrugged in the universal 'what can you do' way. "You know the rest."  
  
He did indeed. Steve had found him where he had been trapped in some kind of snare, cursing up a storm. No way to hide his magical nature after that. It had worked out like a charm though.  
  
"I want to hug you, can I hug you? Please say I can hug you." Tony was sure there wasn't anything he'd rather do than hug Steve now that he got arms again, and he was relieved when Steve crawled over and scooped him up in his arms.  
  
Hugging Steve was indeed his new favourite pastime. Reluctantly they pulled apart after a while, smiling and _happy_ , there was no other word for it.  
  
"Now what, Tony?" Steve tenderly brushed his hair away from his face.  
  
"First, we have a kingdom to take back," Tony declared, his grin turning wicked. "How would you feel about crashing a wedding?"  
  
Steve laughed and hugged him closer again. "Then what?" He whispered against Tony's hair.  
  
Tony pulled back to look Steve in the eye, "Why, then there is a wedding of course!"  
  
He had been utterly wrong, kissing Steve was the best thing ever.  
  
The end.


End file.
